Where has my time gone?

So my first week of work is down, I have 5 clients and I am doing pretty well I think. I love hanging out with all my clients, sometimes we just sit together and watch tv, but I know it is comforting to know someone cares. Sometimes I get paid to watch TV. lol.

What do I want to be when I grow up

How can it be that I am 26 years old and still can't figure it out? I used to laugh at my sister who changed her major 4 times while in college. I have switched mine at least twice as many times. I started off in Pre-Veterinary Medicine; do you know that an Earth Worm has like 300 parts? Yeah, true. When will I ever need to know that? I got frustrated with my Zoology class and bailed. Then it was Business, I was going to be high powered and rich and famous, then I realized I hate business. I am not underhanded enough for it, no offense. So then it was on to computer programming, which I LOVED until I actually had to program. There is a reason those guys get paid well. So then I considered Graphic Arts, but I can't draw. So after a lot of time and A LOT of research I decided to pursue nursing. I took Human Anatomy and Physiology last semester and I LOVED IT! It was the most interesting and exciting thing I have ever learned. I find myself in conversations being a total kill joy, someone complains about something going on with their body and I go into a way too in depth explanation of how that body part works. lol.

Well, the problem is the more research I do into what specialty I want to go into the more restricted I feel. I feel like nursing is only half of what I want. The fields I am interested in are Oncology, Neurology, and Fertility. I am now interested in Fertility, Neurology comes easy to me, and all my family has died of Cancer. Now I can go for a WHNP or WHCNP but I feel like those don't really give me the freedom to do what I want. I want to help people have babies, I want to be there when they finally conceive, I want to do the ultrasounds and I want to be there when they deliver, and neither of those paths allows me to do that. I could be a CNM but I don't feel like I would be the right person for that. I don't want to do home births, or holistic births, and I have nothing against pain killers.

So.. I have been spending the last few days on the student doctor forums. This has only served to depress me more. I have my Fiancé; we are going to be trying to conceive before the end of the year. I feel like going to med school and having a family is not going to work. I keep reading about how you can have a family and go through Med School. You can get Average grades and still have a couple hours on the weekend and maybe an hour a night with your family. I just can't come to terms with that.

Can I be happy with half a career? I know I could not be happy with half a family.

Missing old friends, new job, and Sister troubles.

The other day I was looking through my facebook friends, I recently got in touch with my best friend from high school. I was looking through her facebook friends and she is still friends with everyone from high school. It kinda made me miss all my old friends. When I grew up, left high school, and got married, I grew apart from all my old friends. When my husband and I separated I moved back home, and when I saw all my old friends their lives seemed so simple. I had nothing in common with them. It seemed like they were still in high school and I was far from being in high school. But still I miss the friendships I had, and I haven't been able to get that close to my new friends. I have trust issues since my marriage feel apart. I am going to try and open up to my friends more in an attempt to get closer to my new friends.

So I got a new job today, I had applied a while back at a company called Comfort Keepers, they called me the other day and today I went in for a interview and orientation today. I am so excited; we can really use the extra money. Wedding's aint cheap! So, once I start making some money we will need to make sure our spending doesn't increase.

Anyway, I talked to my Mom today and she said that my younger sister who has been battling drug addiction for some time is not doing so well. She recently went to rehab and supposedly got off drugs, but it turns out she started doing heroine with her boyfriend. She took too much and tells my mom that she almost died, her boyfriend did cpr to bring her back. She checked into a detox program and said that detoxing off of Heroine was the hardest thing she had ever done, she says she is no longer doing Heroine but is doing other drugs instead; he old drug of choice was Meth, so I figure she is doing that again. For a while I thought I was going to get my sister back, I thought she was going to be the sister I remember from when we were young, staying up all night talking. She gets my hopes up and then she crushes them

Introduction

I have a weight loss blog already, but I thought I should make a normal blog to talk about everything. So I thought I would start off with a little introduction to me. My name is Jenn and I am 26 years old, I am engaged to a wonderful man, we are planning our wedding for 8/8/09. It's coming up so fast, I get so stressed thinking about all the stuff that’s still left to do.

I am a full time nursing student, though I am still in my prereq's. My college career has been crazy to say the least. I enrolled 2 years ago with the intent of getting a Vet Tech Certification, after 2 months in my Zoology class I decided that it wasn't what I wanted. So I started on a new path, Computer Programming. Programming was so much fun.. I thought I had found my path. Apparently the first half of the semester was programming light, and that’s the part I loved! When we started actually programming, I realized how hard programming really is. So I quit. This seems to be a theme of mine (We will get to that later). So finally I decided on Nursing, and I really love it, yeah, I get burnt out and it’s by no means easy, but I still really love it and don't mind working towards it.

So as far as the quitting thing goes, I am doing some remodeling in my life. I am trying to persevere. I used to be a stronger person, but at some point I kind of lost that person. I can't beat myself up over it, now that I know; I just have to change things. So, I guess I am trying to find half of myself lol.

So now on to weight loss. I have been struggling with my weight for a while now. I am hoping to lose a bit, more like a lot, of weight before the wedding. Ultimately I want to get back to the weight I was in high school. Don't we all? I just really want to be proud of myself; I don't want to be afraid to go places because I am worried about what people will think.

So I guess that’s all for my introduction, and these topics will probably be key features in my blog.