More half finished blogs..

We spent last weekend ironing out some wedding plans. We got a lot done. Still a lot to do, but I am feeing much better about the wedding plans. All the girls got their dresses, and we are on the hunt for shoes. Billie (MOH) already found her shoes. I am starting to feel a little discouraged about my shoes, I have tried on so many different pairs of shoes, I have only really found one pair I semi liked, they were very comfortable, but just not right. I have my hair figured out. I want long lush Victoria secret hair.

I have to get hair extensions put in to get the style I like. There are extensions that I can get put in that only last for a day. It will cost anywhere from 120 to 240 for just the extensions. It’s a lot of money, I am kind of wondering if it would be a better use of my money to actually get the extensions that are longer lasting. But meh, we will see.

We decided on our caterer, we are going for pizza! I know, I know, it might seem totally tacky but after much much MUCH debate we decided to plan a wedding that we actually wanted to attend. So our party is totally laid back, we are even have a video game station set up.

I am almost finished purchasing the girls gifts a few more things to buy off ebay and we will be done. I am also going to have tote bags made for my MOH, Bridesmaids, Mom and FMIL.

The rest will have to wait for another night

House off the table

So it looks like the house is no longer on the table, which is ok.I had been having reservations about doing it right now, I continued through those reservations for two reasons. The first I really really really wanted and house and this is where buying a house fits into my "life plan", and the second, I wanted to prove the nay sayers wrong. But after a lot of discussion and a lot of trying we decided that its too much. We really need to focus on the wedding right now.

House back on the table?

So, the house wasn't really off the table for long. We are not yet sure how we are going to swing it or if we can swing it at all, but we are certainly going to try. We have 7 houses to look at this weekend, and another 5 next weekend. We are trying to find something we like and get the ball rolling by the end of the month. It's crazy terrifying to think we have a deadline that is that close. We can manage to extend our deadline by 2 or 3 weeks, but we would rather not.

I turned in my financial aid appeal today. They said I should hear back in a week. I am so nervous, but I am hoping that I get back good news. We will see...

Less Money, Mo Problems

The car has been having some problems, the steering column has been shaking at higher speeds, and there is a rattling in the door, and pressure in the breaks. Thankfully all this is covered in my warranty, the problem is that we needed to get all 4 tires replaced. Bye bye savings.. At this point I am not sure what we are going to do about the wedding. I am sure we will figure out a way to pay for it, but it just seems like any time we get ahead life comes around and knocks us on our ass. Is this just how life as a young adult couple with only one income is? I really can't wait to finish school and start working. I am going to get my CNA next semester, and then I hope to start working full time in the hospital. In 2012 I will graduate with my RN and a BSN. Then the fun really begins. I will be working full time, making good money. I long for those days. I long for the days when we won’t have to worry so much about money. I hate it; I hate the sacrifices Trey has to make while I am in school. I feel so guilty, I feel like it would have been better had I not enrolled in school. I want so badly to be a nurse, but I hate that I can't have a real job. My school hours change every 4 months. It's hard to find a company that will deal with that. Right now I work for a company called Comfort Keepers. I really like it there; I pretty much get to set my own hours. So maybe this will be something that I will be able to hold on to once I start school again.

I have been considering working towards a CRNA, or NP degree. NP’s aren't as recognized in my state as in others. So that’s a little discouraging, I can't work on my own and it seems like most people out here would rather see a MD than an NP. I have read that CRNA is the best job in the hospital. I plan to shadow one sometime soon and see what it’s really all about. It was actually the first specialty I wanted to go in to. NP sounds amazing because I can go any where from there.

Finishing a post

I have started the same post 3 times and each time I never finish it. So I vow to finish this post.

Let’s see, life has been pretty busy. I am working with about 6 clients which is not a whole lot, but a few of them are about 30 minutes away, so drive time can be an issue. I lost a client last week, she passed away. I hadn't known her very long, and I was kind of expecting it due to her behavior going down hill. I was still pretty sad, she was a very nice lady and it was sad to see her suffering. I also had to drop a client this week due to her treatment of me. I don't mean to sound entitled and I understand that I am not going to encounter pleasant people in my career field, but this lady took it to a whole new level. She would yell at me non stop, commented on all aspects of my personal life and told me that I needed to go to church or I would go to hell.

I have been trying to get ready for school again. I have to do a FA appeal since I did so poorly last semester. It's hard for me to understand why I am not doing well in College. I had a 3.75 in high school and I am not even close to pulling that right now. I wonder if its because I haven't been in school for 9 years. This semester I really want to do better, dedicate more time to my homework, and keep up with my classes.

I have been spending a lot of my time painting lately. I love it, sometimes it comes out looking like crap, but I love it. Of course my artistic ability is nill, so I am doing abstract art which is a nice way of saying painting with no skill. A few of my paintings have come out really nice. I will take some pictures and try and get them online.

Anyway, tonight is a pretty relaxed evening for me. I am catching up on my shows and waiting for the crazy storm we are supposed to get tonight. I love the rain, there is something about a wicked storm that gets me excited. Though, now that I live in Kansas wicked storms can be pretty scary as well.

Trey and i have been looking for a house, we have seen about 12. We have found 2 that we really like. We were hoping to be done with the house hunting last weekend but it doesn't look like that is going to happen, especially since I have found quiet a few houses that I want to look at.

Where has my time gone?

So my first week of work is down, I have 5 clients and I am doing pretty well I think. I love hanging out with all my clients, sometimes we just sit together and watch tv, but I know it is comforting to know someone cares. Sometimes I get paid to watch TV. lol.

What do I want to be when I grow up

How can it be that I am 26 years old and still can't figure it out? I used to laugh at my sister who changed her major 4 times while in college. I have switched mine at least twice as many times. I started off in Pre-Veterinary Medicine; do you know that an Earth Worm has like 300 parts? Yeah, true. When will I ever need to know that? I got frustrated with my Zoology class and bailed. Then it was Business, I was going to be high powered and rich and famous, then I realized I hate business. I am not underhanded enough for it, no offense. So then it was on to computer programming, which I LOVED until I actually had to program. There is a reason those guys get paid well. So then I considered Graphic Arts, but I can't draw. So after a lot of time and A LOT of research I decided to pursue nursing. I took Human Anatomy and Physiology last semester and I LOVED IT! It was the most interesting and exciting thing I have ever learned. I find myself in conversations being a total kill joy, someone complains about something going on with their body and I go into a way too in depth explanation of how that body part works. lol.

Well, the problem is the more research I do into what specialty I want to go into the more restricted I feel. I feel like nursing is only half of what I want. The fields I am interested in are Oncology, Neurology, and Fertility. I am now interested in Fertility, Neurology comes easy to me, and all my family has died of Cancer. Now I can go for a WHNP or WHCNP but I feel like those don't really give me the freedom to do what I want. I want to help people have babies, I want to be there when they finally conceive, I want to do the ultrasounds and I want to be there when they deliver, and neither of those paths allows me to do that. I could be a CNM but I don't feel like I would be the right person for that. I don't want to do home births, or holistic births, and I have nothing against pain killers.

So.. I have been spending the last few days on the student doctor forums. This has only served to depress me more. I have my Fiancé; we are going to be trying to conceive before the end of the year. I feel like going to med school and having a family is not going to work. I keep reading about how you can have a family and go through Med School. You can get Average grades and still have a couple hours on the weekend and maybe an hour a night with your family. I just can't come to terms with that.

Can I be happy with half a career? I know I could not be happy with half a family.